When a former art teacher in her early seventies admired a purple sky during a drive with her husband, he corrected her: the sky was blue. She grew quiet, embarrassed, and wanted to go home. Later, her husband asked Dr. Jeannine Forrest, PhD, RN, a dementia educator and founder of Dementia Coach On-Call®, what he could have said differently. Forrest responded with a question: “What's more important, for them to be happy, or for you to be right?”
The exchange illustrates a core challenge for families caring for someone with dementia: learning when to correct, when to redirect, and when to simply be present. Forrest, who has spent decades helping families navigate dementia care, provides education and practical guidance through her coaching service. Some families contact her shortly after a diagnosis; others have spent months trying to understand changes in memory, judgment, or behavior. Frustration can build quickly, especially when a loved one repeats questions or insists on unsafe activities.
“You've got to learn how to think and communicate differently,” Forrest explains. That adjustment is rarely intuitive. Family members may interpret confusion as stubbornness or respond with irritation, not recognizing how cognitive changes influence interactions. Forrest acknowledges caregivers' frustrations rather than criticizing them, then helps families understand how their own responses can ease or worsen situations.
One strategy borrows from improvisational communication. Instead of saying “No, you're wrong,” Forrest encourages acknowledgment and redirection. If a grandmother insists on taking grandchildren across a busy street, a family member might invite her to help prepare lunches or suggest accompanying everyone to the playground. The safety concern remains addressed without an argument. “Imagine if you lived in a world where every time you talk to someone, they're saying, ‘No, stop, don't do that. You're wrong,’” Forrest observes.
Forrest also challenges measuring dementia primarily by what a person can no longer do. Someone who loved cooking but forgets to turn off the stove might be barred from the kitchen. Yet cooking may represent a lifelong passion or a way of expressing love. Instead, Forrest suggests safer participation, such as preparing ingredients while someone else supervises the stove. She compares it to bowling with bumper guards: the environment changes, but the person still bowls. “A sense of meaning and purpose, of value, that's important to all of us,” Forrest says. “And that's important to uphold when you're caring for someone living with dementia.”
Another dimension is the grief families experience as relationships change. Forrest introduces the concept of ambiguous loss, developed by researcher Pauline Boss, Ph.D., which describes loving someone physically present while aspects of their cognition or personality change. She explains that caregivers can experience genuine grief even while sharing their lives with the person they love. Recognizing those feelings is an important part of adjustment.
Forrest also reminds caregivers that learning new communication skills takes practice. “Once you know better, you can do better,” she says. Her work is grounded in helping families discover better approaches without feeling that every difficult interaction is a personal failure. Sometimes the difference can be simple: a daughter who learned to acknowledge her mother's efforts noticed her mother responding affectionately, calling her sweetheart.
Forrest serves as Director of Dementia Horizons Academy at the Dementia Society of America, extending her educational reach to families, caregivers, and care communities. Her approach emphasizes compassionate communication and preserving dignity, independence, and quality of life for people living with dementia. As the population ages, these strategies may become increasingly vital for families and professional caregivers seeking to maintain connection and reduce conflict. The purple sky story underscores a larger point: care involves more than managing symptoms—it means protecting opportunities for connection, belonging, and enjoyment.
